Be Real. Tell me the truth…Um, I don’t think so!
Do we really want to hear the truth when we ask people to tell it to us?
Here’s the age-old cliché story. My wife asked me how she looked in her dress the other night before we went out. I told her that maybe she would look better in her other blue dress. I slept in the doghouse!
Some key happenings this past week have reflected our aversion to hearing the real truth.
“They are passive, naive and need to go back to school!”
Do we really want to hear the truth from the intelligence chiefs? (Read ‘we’ as Donald Trump).
You probably know that the US governance system requires 16 intelligence agencies to compile the intelligence briefings that are shared with the President on a daily basis and with the Senate periodically. I believe that the President should read these daily. However, we have all come to know Donald J. Trump. He wants to perpetuate the narrative that he has subdued North Korea. The truth of North Korea being non-compliant to their summit commitments was prepared by seasoned professionals, but this didn’t jibe with Trump’s narrative, as has often been the case. https://edition.cnn.com/2019/01/29/politics/us-intelligence-chiefs-contradict-trump/index.html
I watched in disbelief (yes, I still get shocked by his crazy antics) as he called the US intelligence chiefs passive, naive and told them that they need to go back to school; simply because they went against his narrative.
I’ve observed many organisations which demonstrate that this type of rejection of the truth, because the bosses don’t want to hear the truth; so Trump is not an aberration.
Sore losers crying over spilt milk
Do we really want to hear the truth? This blown call is not what lost the game for the New Orleans Saints?
I’m probably gonna get lynched by Saints fans for what I’m about to say. So, I guess I’m going to have to cancel that trip I had planned to Bourbon Street. You’ve all heard the furore and outcry of how they got robbed. This both from Saints fans and NFL analysts.
A cardinal principal in sports, is that you never put yourself in a position where the referees can determine the outcome of the game. I don’t know how many of us read the box scores. I read the box scores and the Los Angeles Rams had more rushing yards, more passing yards and more quarterback sacks than the New Orleans Saints. Anyone can see that the Saints were thoroughly outplayed by the Rams for the entire game, until that play. We don’t even consider the recency bias of focusing on this blown call, when there was a blown call against the Rams that robbed them of a touchdown, the series before.
I believe that if all the people crying that ‘we wuz robbed’ were to truly be vindicated, the Saints would have shown their superiority and won in overtime. Despite having first possession the Saints never scored during overtime, but the Rams did and won! https://www.telegraph.co.uk/american-football/2019/01/24/new-orleans-saints-have-right-bitter-one-bad-call-didnt-keep/
I won’t play holier than thou, as this is a trap we all fall into. When things don’t go our way we try and latch onto the most dramatic, egregious event against us, while ignoring all the other facts that may have contributed to things going against us.
The power of technology over us
Do we want to hear the truth about our addiction to social media?
We all see the kids of today who are fixed to their tablets or phones and have lost all social skills. And it’s not just the kids. I’m always annoyed at adult pedestrians on their phones while crossing the street in front of traffic. However, regardless of all the evidence most of us would deny that we are addicted to social media or our devices.
I would say that it is instructive that Tim Cook of Apple doesn’t allow his nephew (he doesn’t have children) to use social media. Bill Gates and the late Steve Jobs raised their kids pretty much technology free. They all understand not just the addictive nature, but the pitfalls and dangers of social media, tech devices et al. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/bill-gates-and-steve-jobs-raised-their-kids-techfree-and-it-shouldve-been-a-red-flag-a8017136.html
Chamath Palihapitiya, who was vice-president for user growth at Facebook, has also expressed regret at helping to create a platform that has worked to destroy the fabric of society. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/dec/11/facebook-former-executive-ripping-society-apart
We don’t want to hear the truth of our device-dependency and our addiction to social media, because it will say something deeply flawed about us. In the everyday context of how the words ‘addiction’ and ‘dependence’ are used, think about the devastating admission to that word addiction applying to yourself, or your admitting to being unable to live without a device!
Back to the top
So, the reason my wife sent me to the doghouse is because we all want acceptance or assurances that we are achieving our goals. We also don’t want our belief of who we are to be challenged. When the truth comes in the way of that, we don’t want to hear it. My wife just wanted approval and to know that her husband finds her attractive and validates her. My reaction with a cold, hard truth was a blow to her vulnerability and sensitivities.
I believe that in situations like in business or where we have committed a transgression, we should never sugar coat the facts, no matter the response or consequences. However, in life, always keep in mind the sensitivities and insecurities of the person asking you for the truth, before you clap back with the cold, hard truth.
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