Bizlife Smarts

Personal growth is a dynamic, gradual, step-by-step process, focused on a long-term destination. Golf, on the other hand, all too often focuses on fixing what is visibly and immediately in front of you: keep your eye on the ball, extend your swing smoothly, aim for the pin, hit the sweet spot of the club. A bad shot, high scoring hole, or poor scorecard can set you back psychologically and emotionally. With personal growth, setbacks will abound and tough betterment techniques are par for the course (pardon the pun).

Now, why would I use golf as the antithesis of personal growth? Well, maybe it’s middle age, and the company I keep. A series of golf stories, that focus on character and personal attributes, have recently been catching my attention. From Tiger’s car accident, to Rory McIlroy’s broken game, to Bryson DeChambeau sacrificing longevity for a short term meteoric rise, to Dustin Johnson’s (DJ) mental strength.

Ultimately, mindfulness is a big part of personal growth, whilst golf is much more about tunnel vision. Many stories in this area are pretty straightforward, but the story of DJ’s mental fortitude is particularly more illustrative of my point https://golfweek.usatoday.com/2021/03/30/2020-masters-dustin-johnson-major-champion-mental-game-island/. So, the point that it drives home is that, success in golf is about focusing on the moment and shutting out everything else. Indeed this relates to the environment around you, the past and the future.

Golf stories

So, what are some of the platitudes we hear surrounding golf?

• It’s great for networking and building your career/ business.
• It keeps me fit.
• This is a great social game.
• Golf builds character.
• The great thing about it is that, you’re not really playing against anyone else, but playing against yourself.

The realities of golf are actually not really these, but are more focused on:

• Is my grip right?
• How is my stance?
• I hope I’m looking good in this attire and that my playing partners are impressed with my clubs.
• How long can I drive it off the tee?
• What did I score on that hole/ in that round?

Once again, these are not the types of things you focus on when trying to better yourself as a human being. It’s sad to say, but they are the things you display for the approval of others. The latter are the reality, whilst the former are the excuses made to justify a pastime when the individual makes it quite selfish in spending time with the game.

The science of golf

Watching many club golfers, you’ll understand why this dichotomy exists. In essence, they are practicing to look better and not to actually get better. Unfortunately, golf has many myths and misconceptions in this regard, and most people fall prey to them. As mentioned, these mostly revolve around mechanics and appearance, rather than what the platitudes would have us believe. The first thing you see club golfers do, is head to the practice range. Now, I don’t know about you, but at my home club, the pitching green and putting green are usually deserted. All the players, decked out in their fancy duds, are packed at the driving range. As this article attests, they are working on their golf swing, and not on their golf game. https://www.golfpsych.com/playing-golf-or-golf-swing/

The science of personal growth

Now, let’s get to the crux of the matter at hand. https://forge.medium.com/a-mental-trick-to-make-any-task-less-intimidating-71ab2b25d663. We all strive to be that best version of ourselves. We all know in our heart of hearts, what that best self looks like. But the challenge is becoming it, and maintaining it. In fact, we all the time see ourselves determined to be better and do better, but then some trigger simply derails us. With wisdom, and maturation, we learn that it’s a constant, daily journey of work. Rarely, if ever, does one just say, ‘I want to be better’, and they become a better person. Some outside influence, support and guidance is almost always required.

For some, it’s mentorship and life-coaching (although I find the first to be invaluable, I find latter to be hogwash). For others, it’s simply improving the company we keep. These can be informal, through family, work or community mentors and role models, or they can be through formal personal growth techniques. My favourite is mindfulness practice, through meditation. It is however one of the most challenging things to perfect, and requires not only mastering the art, but also continual practice.

Golf’s personal growth journey – what it could be!

Let’s look at the dichotomy between golf and personal growth, and try and mix that oil and water.

So…how often do golfers play for themselves and not for others?! I’ve often heard that you don’t play golf against other players; you don’t play golf against the course; you play it against yourself! And that would be the beauty of golf, if weren’t for the flaw of human nature.

• Golfers constantly bet against each other – playing against each other.
• Doesn’t everyone play against par on every hole and the course in general? – playing against the course.
• Isn’t every championship trophy awarded against the lowest score amongst players, and hopefully against shots below par? – playing against others AND against the course.

And that is why golf and personal growth are oil and water together. Personal growth is about being the you that you want to and can be. Golf has unfortunately been bastardized to become the player that others see you to be. As long as golfers chase this mirage, they will keep chasing the folly of other people’s judgement.

Golfing nirvana to become the better you

What we need here is an emulsifier. Some of my favourite foods are oil and water mixes: mayonnaise, ice-cream, béarnaise sauce and sausages are some of these. Emulsifiers coat and break down oils and water into a tasty, truly enjoyable mix.

There’s a reason why that beautiful, idyllic water is a magnet for the ball, for even the best players in the world. It humbles you, to bring you back to your true self. Do you see a ball, a club, a caddie, a swing, a putt or a 350 yard drive in the image above? That’s because, almost all golfers fail to get the best out of the game. The purpose of the game is right there in that image. Ask yourself why golf courses are some of the most exquisite, scenic places in the world.

The emulsifiers for golf and personal growth

Here are my 5 keys on how golf can become a pastime for personal growth.

1. Take a deep breath and open your mind before your first swing.
2. Sacrilegious yes, but maybe we should try to emulate DJ and not Tiger, Rory or Bryson. We should attempt to silo our golf minds on the course and mindfulness off the course. https://bizlifesmarts.com/mindfulness
3. Absorb, enjoy and be at peace with nature. Golf courses are the most idyllic settings. Use them to nourish your soul.
4. Accept that you can’t change the outcome, once the swing begins. No, mulligans are not allowed! This will help manage your temperament in real life.
5. It’s just a game, regardless of the outcome. Whether you’re playing in the club night, with buddies or for millions of dollars, just enjoy the game – that’s all it is. It should be an activity for relaxation and enjoyment.

If you leave this place with less peace and clarity than you arrived with, then you are doing everything wrong. Personal growth will be a challenge for you.

How is all this related to personal growth, you may ask

The point is that we should not mistake the tools given to us, to make us grow and succeed, as the focus for where we want to get to – don’t let the tools become the destination. Focusing on the tools and not the destination, is like the old adage of “not seeing the forest, for the trees”.

Whether a recreational golfer, or a professional, it’s really not that serious. Most cultures have a ball and stick game, that is metronomically enthralling and used to unwind. Golf is just another one of those. Their origins, and in their purest form, help us take our minds off the pressures that weigh on us, to a place without a care. So, let’s stop putting pressure on ourselves by obsessing over the tools, the swing and the scores.

Let’s turn the challenges of golf, not into destroyers of the soul, but into occasions for personal growth. Enjoying the game for what it was meant to be is what will get us there.

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